With Rodney you had his snark down pat with his exasperated, “That’s great—the survivalist version of ‘don’t think of a purple cow'..." (I lolled.)You also captured both that probing mind and the terror he would have at not being able to think straight, or know what was real. I particularly liked:"He thought about what it would be like to try an orange or a lemon, whether the nanites would repair him quickly enough for him to actually taste it." As it reflected both his experimental nature and how far beyond normality he was.
I could almost feel his fear at the thought "how much of the last day, week—month had been real. What if this ‘bug bite’ scenario was merely a distraction created by the nanites in order to prevent Rodney from figuring out what was happening to him?" and the way that it shows you how frightening things are to Rodney because he sees al the posssibilities in a way most people don't or can't. Then, as if that didn't make me want to protect him, you broke me with his total conviction that he could never be anything to John! *sniffs* Especially these two sections:
"John turning away from him. John wiping his hand off as though touching Rodney was distasteful. Rodney’s own hands clenched into fists, hating this"
“You think this is another hallucination,” John stated, calming slightly. Rodney shrugged.
“You kissed me back.” [My bottom lip had a distinct wobble at this point.]
But you snatched me back with this tender moment:"John’s hand moved to cover his on the balcony floor. Rodney closed his eyes, savoring the sensation. When his heart rate had slowed down a bit, he spread his fingers a little so that John’s could fall between them—and that was when he finally felt the other man’s body relax." So much emotion and meaning in that gesture :D
The ending was as clever as the opening."It was blinking the numbers 0.00—reset to the very beginning." was a clever use of the stopwatch as a real object with specific purpose to the storyline and a metaphor for their relationship. A fabulously succint and appropriate last line because it worked on so many levels. Applause!
I'd love to see this remixed from John's POV (hell, I'm even tempted myself...)
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War and Peace - the review pt.2
Date: 2008-06-02 12:51 pm (UTC)I could almost feel his fear at the thought "how much of the last day, week—month had been real. What if this ‘bug bite’ scenario was merely a distraction created by the nanites in order to prevent Rodney from figuring out what was happening to him?" and the way that it shows you how frightening things are to Rodney because he sees al the posssibilities in a way most people don't or can't. Then, as if that didn't make me want to protect him, you broke me with his total conviction that he could never be anything to John! *sniffs* Especially these two sections:
"John turning away from him. John wiping his hand off as though touching Rodney was distasteful. Rodney’s own hands clenched into fists, hating this"
“You think this is another hallucination,” John stated, calming slightly. Rodney shrugged.
“You kissed me back.” [My bottom lip had a distinct wobble at this point.]
But you snatched me back with this tender moment:"John’s hand moved to cover his on the balcony floor. Rodney closed his eyes, savoring the sensation. When his heart rate had slowed down a bit, he spread his fingers a little so that John’s could fall between them—and that was when he finally felt the other man’s body relax." So much emotion and meaning in that gesture :D
The ending was as clever as the opening."It was blinking the numbers 0.00—reset to the very beginning." was a clever use of the stopwatch as a real object with specific purpose to the storyline and a metaphor for their relationship. A fabulously succint and appropriate last line because it worked on so many levels. Applause!
I'd love to see this remixed from John's POV (hell, I'm even tempted myself...)
Anyway, great job both of you <3